Let’s Go Shopping

Retail shopping can sometimes be an introvert’s worst nightmare because we tend to avoid people like the plague when we’re shopping, sometimes even people we know. It becomes much worse when the experience involves a pushy salesperson working to make a commission while trying to seem friendly and helpful at the same time.

This was the case for my family and I during a recent trip to a retail store that specializes in selling lamps, ceiling fans, and a multitude of other lighting options. We have been talking about the need to get some ceiling fans for the bedrooms in our home for some time, so we finally buckled down and decided to go shopping. 

The location of the store is about a 30-minute drive from where we live so the prospect of actually buying something was pretty good as long as we found something we liked. 

When we pull up to the store, the warm glow from hundreds of light bulbs as seen through the gigantic plate glass windows create an inviting and welcoming feeling from the outside, but that all changes as soon as we step through the front door. 

We usually like to take our time and browse around unbothered when we enter a store rather than be hounded by a salesperson constantly asking you if we need help or have any questions. However, this shopping experience would turn out to be the complete opposite of a casual browsing experience from start to finish.

Here’s Kathy!

As we enter the store, my family and I are immediately greeted by a seemingly friendly female employee, probably in her 50’s, who introduces herself as Kathy and says that she will be helping us if we have any questions. 

“Are you looking for anything in particular?”, Kathy asks.

Of course, we know we’re there to look at ceiling fans but we don’t want to show our cards just yet so my wife responds by telling Kathy, “No, we’re just here to look around.”

At this point Kathy proceeds to provide us with a verbal tour of the store so we know where everything is located. After she is done explaining, we make our way down an aisle on the outside perimeter of the store to begin what we believe will be a relaxed browsing experience — boy, are we wrong. 

We come to the end of the first aisle and take a turn to continue down another aisle when we spot some hanging lights that we think might look nice over our kitchen sink. As we gaze up at the selection of lights, Kathy springs out of nowhere as if she had been lurking in the shadows like a ninja.

“See anything you like?”,  Kathy asks.

Once again, we do our best to put Kathy off of our trail by telling her that we’re still looking but that we’ll let her know if we have any questions.

“I’ll just be right over there if you need anything,” Kathy says before disappearing again. 

Annoyed by Kathy’s persistence and bothersome questioning we all look at each other perplexed at what just happened but decide to continue browsing — we still haven’t even made it to the ceiling fans. 

Just Browsing

We eventually move on from the hanging lights and make our way to the ceiling fan section where we begin to gaze upon the many ceiling fan offerings. We can sense that it will only be a matter of time before Kathy springs out of the shadows with her ninja-like reflexes to ask if we need help, and did she ever!

Before we even have a chance to get a feel for what the store has to offer, Kathy is there asking if we see anything that we like or if we want more information on any items. Kathy is suffocating us with all of her questioning and my wife is beginning to get frustrated so I decide to take one for the team and engage with Kathy one-on-one. 

She proceeds to ask how big the rooms are in which the fans will be going, how many blades we want them to have, what colors we prefer…and on, and on she went while I just smile and nod and give her some vague information so she’ll leave us alone. 

After I successfully fend Kathy off for the second time, my wife is ready to leave because she is so fed up with being accosted by Kathy by now; however, I convince her that we should stay and not let Kathy scare us away just yet. 

We begin to browse the ceiling fans again when another store employee walks by and asks us if we have any questions to which we reply, “No, just looking.” We took this as an invitation to ask any store employee if we have questions, but I quickly found out that this was not the case. 

I key in on one particular model of fan that interests us and I want to find out if it comes in white, so I ask an employee standing nearby if he can help determine the answer. Just as the employee walks over to look at the fan I am trying to show him, Kathy spots us with her hawk-like vision and swoops in to break up the situation.

“Don’t help these people!” Kathy exclaims. “I’m already helping them” she says as she turns to me and explains that they work on commission as if to say that this sale, if any, was hers, and hers alone. The insulted employee lets Kathy know that I was the one that approached him, but she isn’t hearing it, so away he walks in disbelief at what just happened. 

Bewildered by what has just transpired, my wife is even more ready to leave at this point, but I persuade her again to stay the course and not give up just yet. After a few more minutes of browsing and an awkward interaction with Kathy involving my son and a ceiling fan remote control, we decide one particular fan model for the kids’ rooms. 

Checkout Time

When I ask Kathy if she can check on whether or not they are in stock, she is beyond excited — maybe a bit too excited. We also ask Kathy to grab one of the small hanging light fixtures that we had been looking at earlier, which she kindly does as well.

While we’re waiting patiently at checkout for Kathy to bring out the items, a man who I believe was the manager, catches my gaze as I look in his direction and immediately blurts out an obnoxious question, “What did you end up picking out?” I give him a frustrated stare and point one finger in the direction of the ceiling fans before turning away with what I can only imagine is a look of great annoyance on my face. I’m certainly not engaging in small talk about what fans I picked out. 

Not much later, Kathy and another employee emerge from the stockroom with two ceiling fans and the small light fixture and lay the boxes on the counter. By this point, Kathy is so eager to make this sale that she nearly gets in an argument with a coworker because he is taking too long using the only register (at least until she is told that the broken one is working again). 

We are dying to get this transaction over with and Kathy isn’t making it move any faster. She tries to get us to sign up for some free membership program that the store offers, which we decline. Meanwhile, the man being rung up next to us has been suckered into sighing up and says something like, “That’s one good thing about being American, free stuff!” Awkward laughter and fake smiles ensue. 

Midway through the checkout process, Kathy asks if we need any light bulbs as she points to the rack of options behind her; she even explains how they have a great warranty program. Already hanging by her last thread, my wife simply says, “No thank you, we’ll find bulbs somewhere else.” 

But Wait, There’s More!

At last, we could see the finish line as Kathy finalizes the transaction and hands me the receipt. But she wasn’t done there – Kathy was going to make sure we had the best buying experience, or die trying. As we walk toward the counter and pick up the boxes, Kathy excitedly asks if we’d like a cart to wheel the items to the car. 

We politely decline but Kathy won’t take no for an answer! She springs into action and bursts through the swinging doors into the stockroom to retrieve a cart. Meanwhile, my wife sees this as the perfect opportunity for us to make our escape and heads to the exit. Not wanting to completely shun Kathy’s offer, I hang back just long enough to see her burst back through the doors frantically pushing a cart and asking, “Are you sure you don’t need the cart?” 

Before the main doors swing shut, I reassure Kathy that we’ve got it and thank her for her help. Finally out of Kathy’s grasp, we load up the car, jump in, and make our way out of there with no intention of ever going back. I sure hope Kathy made some good money off of that sale, because she earned it. Thanks Kathy!