Back in my mid-thirties when I discovered the true meaning of what it means to be an introvert, it occurred to me that I have a great number of stories rattling around in my head just waiting to get out. This happened during at a time when I was still serving in the U.S. Air Force and struggling with being in a leadership role. The timing of the discovery was just right, because several months later I was placed in a much more socially demanding role. While serving in this highly visible position, I knew that being my socially awkward self wasn’t going to cut it.

In an effort to alleviate that social awkwardness, I set out to create my own newsletter at work as a way of relaying my thoughts through writing rather than social interactions. It was well-received and allowed people to get to know who I truly am. This also led to more meaningful conversations and allowed me to get to know other people’s stories as well. It was through this newsletter that I found out I was decent at putting my thoughts into writing. Now that I am retired from the Air Force, my aim is for this blog to be a continuation of those stories that I didn’t get to tell.

My life in general has had some interesting high and low points. Looking back on my past experiences and preparing for new experiences through the outlook of an introvert has made me much more attuned to the world around me. Having this perspective has also made me much more in tune with my own emotions and personality traits. It is my hope that sharing my stories will touch others with a wave of different emotions or create introspection within themselves.

Difficulties of Not Understanding Introversion

Personally, what made being an introvert so difficult in the years leading up to my turning point was believing that my upbringing made me this way. From around the age of three until the age of 12, I suffered mental and physical abuse at the hands of an angry and manipulative man (not my biological father). To such a small child he was a menacing giant just waiting to explode at any moment. It was during this time in my childhood that I retreated into myself and barely ever spoke around him for fear of getting punished in some fashion.

As I grew older, I knew that I was awkward but I still managed to have friends and a decent social life. It wasn’t until I joined the Air Force that my awkwardness and reserved personality became more prominent to others. One thing that people didn’t seem to realize about me is that my focus and observation skills are key attributes of an introvert. However, many leaders at work seemed to focus more on the fact that I didn’t talk much in group settings, if at all.

As I progressed through the ranks and was given more leadership responsibilities, my insecurities increased along with them. I continued to blame these insecurities on the abuse that I suffered as a child and the war with these thoughts began to further escalate. Try as I might, nothing made these thoughts permanently subside, not even alcohol, and any attempt to change my personality and be more outgoing always ended in failure.

Benefits of Understanding Introversion

My outlook of being an introvert is much different now and the war inside my head with those childhood demons has subsided, but there is still a constant battle with the thought process that comes with being introverted. I cannot speak for all introverts, but for me personally, it is still difficult dealing with insecurities as a grown man, husband, and father. There are times when I revert back to feeling like the scared child that I once was, but being mindful of that allows me to take the necessary steps to pull myself out of that thought spiral.

Also, through the understanding of what it truly means to be an introvert, I have unearthed skills and abilities that I never knew I possessed. Discovering these newfound abilities has allowed me to harness my creativity and be confident about the things that I am good at, like woodworking, writing, and photography, to name a few. Understanding my own introversion has helped me to better understand others as well, especially my wife and children, who are also an introverts in their own unique way.

I have also been able to break through to people within my work community and educate them on the benefits of being an introvert and how introverts and extroverts can work together by leaning on each other’s strengths. Being an introvert isn’t all bad either and actually makes life quite fun at times – introverts tend to observe the world around us in a uniquely different way and often find humor in everyday occurrences. Throughout the course of this blog, I hope to convey some of that humor as well as the awkwardness, introspection, and everyday struggle that come with being an introvert. Thank you for reading and I hope you return to continue the journey with me.

– Khafiz