Before I truly understood introversion I actually thought that I could change myself to be more outgoing and less awkward in group settings. Trying to make changes in myself seemed rational at the time but that never worked out. I’ve had people frequently ask when I’m going to start talking more, but one day someone tried to take it a step further. This person claimed that they could “fix” me.

This event dates back to around 2012 when I was still struggling with my personality and thinking that I could actually change it. I was still in the Air Force, so that meant going to social events with coworkers during work hours quite frequently, some where I really didn’t know anyone at all, except for one or two people. That always makes those things so much worse; the kind of social event where the only person you know is friends with everyone else.

This was the type of event I was at when someone tried to suggest that they knew how to “fix” me. I remember it being someone’s going away lunch at a local restaurant and I had tagged along with a coworker. I didn’t really know any other people in the group, so I just sat quietly and listened to everyone else’s conversations. This was the type of situation where every few minutes I had to make eye contact with someone and give an awkward laugh – just enough to let people know that I wasn’t a complete weirdo.

The lunch lasted for about an hour with everyone else talking, eating, and joking while I sat their awkwardly listening. I was relieved to be leaving after everyone had paid their bills and put their leftover food in to-go boxes. As I stood up and walked toward the door, a sergeant approached me, pulled me to the side, and asked to speak with me.

However, the person that approached me wasn’t just a regular sergeant, this was someone that held a position of leadership within the squadron. This individual was the unit First Sergeant. I’m not sure why my quietness bothered him so much, but he said “we need to get you talking more.” This was not the first time someone told me I needed to talk more, but then he proceeded to tell me what his “fix” was.

He then went on to say “I know how to get you talking, I’m going to take you to Toastmasters with me.” I really didn’t know what to say, you know, me being an introvert and all. I remember just awkwardly standing there and telling him “thanks for the offer, but I don’t need to go to Toastmasters.” He continued tying to convince me, but I held my ground and declined his offer.

What the First Sergeant didn’t know about me was that prior to that assignment, I had been a Field Training Detachment instructor for five years, so I knew how to talk to people. I just don’t like engaging in small talk; I need real conversation about life and hobbies and experiences, not sports and politics and work.

If he felt the need to say that to me, how many other introverted people had he said that to throughout his career? I just couldn’t believe he had the audacity to think I needed fixing or that he could somehow fix me. This was before I discovered what my true talents were as an introvert, but I certainly didn’t need fixing. What I needed was understanding, and sometimes people like him don’t want to take the time to understand people like me. My feelings weren’t hurt, I simply lost trust in that man’s role as a leader. Since then, I’ve tried my best not to make that mistake with others. Especially not introverts like me.